The Unbearable Heaviness of Boxes
over 5 years ago – Sat, Dec 08, 2018 at 12:13:43 AM

Hey everyone! *makes indecipherable and foreboding hand sign, in order to let you know that you are part of a special and very secret club*. Thanks again to every single person who supported the campaign. You have allowed me to fill my house with more boxes than I ever dreamed possible. 

Speaking of the excessive number of boxes I have been blessed to receive, It looks like Shitsmas came early – I got my hands on the final batch of non-card merchandise. The posters, tarot cloths and stickers are all here and they look fucking cool. Here are some pictures:

I also got a few photos from the card factory, which only really serve as evidence that a) the factory is real, and b) they really are producing what seem to be tarot-like cards with my art on them. Here's a real video of a real person inspecting the uncut sheets of cards:

Cool, right? They have an even more impressive stack of boxes than I do. I wonder if they're worried about what their partner is going to do if they don't get rid of all the boxes soon, like they said they would. On the outside they look confident that their love can endure the weight of a million boxes, but can it?

I know I keep saying this, but NOW I am just about ready to start mailing non-card-containing orders. That will begin next week. I'm not sure how long they'll take to get to you, but they should be around for at least part of whichever winter holiday event you celebrate, unless it's the North American premiere of Lord of  the Rings: The Two Towers, because that already happened, in 2002. 

If you're in Toronto this weekend, come say hi to me at the Bunz Flea on Sunday. 10-5 at the Gladstone Hotel. I'll have one or two items that weren't available during the campaign. 

I think that's everything for now. Just a heads-up… next week's update is probably going to be pretty boring. I might get new glasses, so that's pretty exciting I guess.

Bullshittingly, 

-EVAN

The long shitty winter of the soul
over 5 years ago – Fri, Nov 30, 2018 at 10:58:51 PM

Hey all my Friday dudes! It's definitely Friday and I absolutely did not forget to write an update. Just trying out a new evening thing. Because I forgot.

This is another one of those weeks where not much has happened in the world of spooky nonsense (by which I mean completely serious and intense dark magic realness). While I'm waiting for the cards to be printed I've really settled into my November routine. You know, watching squirrels through the window, giving them all names, imagining them in Edwardian costumes, composing little jingles about each of them. Just completely regular early-winter stuff. 

I just asked my rep at the old spooky card factory if they could send me some pictures of the production process. I'm picturing a machine where dusty old reptile bones, haunted dolls, and glowing rocks go into a tube or a furnace or a grind-y wheel thing and fresh crisp sheets of uncut Bullshit come out the other side. Looking forward to seeing that.

Other than that, I don't have much to report. 

• I'm going to start mailing some things out next week (things that don't include cards). I miss spending money on things. 
• I'm already starting to think about future projects I can spend money on when this whole Kickstarter thing is finished and everyone is happy. Let me know if you've got any suggestions.
• Here's a thing I made:

One actual update: for those powerful and dynamic individuals who have ordered custom pieces of art – I'm starting on them soon. I think I've collected all of the concepts and I'm looking forward to getting back into drawing. I'll ask those 10 beautiful, impressive backers if it's ok to share that artwork as I complete it. 

THAT IS ALL. 

See you in December!

Thanks-shitting
over 5 years ago – Thu, Nov 22, 2018 at 10:51:54 PM

Hey! Pass that gravy funnel! It's American thanksgiving, and I am almost out of seasonal poop puns. JK, I'm sure there are more. Very excited to celebrate Shitsmas with all of you. And just wait and see what I've got cooked up for Aviation Maintenance Technician Day!

It's probably something like the 900th week of this Kickstarter (what is time, anyway?) and actual newsworthy events are getting a lot more spaced out. In fact, this week I really don't have anything to say. I wish I could whip you into some kind of frothy, trample-y consumerist frenzy with a Black Friday deal, but I can't be bothered. Maybe next year. 

Anyway, everything is still great. In early December I should be starting to send out rewards to folks who did not order a deck. By mid-December card production should be complete. I have a really uncomfortably hot subterranean bullshit cave filled with hazardous steamy pipes where the fulfillment magic will happen. Are there any other logistical adventures you'd like me to narrate? Have I told you about all the boxes? There are boxes. 

We got a lot of nice feedback on the design Joel Hentges made for the back of the box, so we're making some posters. Those should be nice. If you're in Toronto you can likely snag one at the Bunz Flea, December 9th at the Gladstone Hotel. I say "likely" because I want to make it sound like maybe you can, while also allowing for the possibility that maybe you cannot. Only time will tell.

Follow me on Instagram to see what else I'm spending money on.  Hint: it's dead bees and turnips. But also business things.

Bullshittingly yours, 

-EVAN

The Shitshow must go on!
over 5 years ago – Fri, Nov 16, 2018 at 10:45:06 PM

Hey, it's Friday again!

I have one or two important things to say, then just a bunch of rambling, self-indulgent nonsense. Let's see if you can tell which is which!

Locking your Addresses

SO I have officially reached the point where I can start the shipping phase of this journey. I'm not actually shipping anything yet, but I'm starting the phase. It's my phase and I can start it when I want. 

This next part is for backers who ARE NOT receiving a deck as part of their order. The decks are the last piece of this puzzle, so if you aren't getting one, I can mail you your stuff by the end of December. Everything else is on-track to be delivered throughout February (at the latest).

For backers who are not receiving a deck:

I need to make sure I have your addresses locked in. I'm going to press a button that says "lock addresses" and you guys will have 48 hours to ensure that the mailing info I have for you is correct, and will stay correct until at least the end of December. If you have any doubt about this, just give me your parents' address. There are many benefits to this approach. First, every package will be clearly marked "I AM AN OCCULTIST WHO SWEARS AND WORSHIPS GOATS, MOM. STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME," which your mom will love. This will also allow me to personally visit all of your parents, which has always been part of my plan. 

I am kidding about almost all of this. Just make sure I've got a reliable address. Maybe it's your uncle Jerry, or your buddy Christine. Good old reliable Christine.

If you're part of this non-deck group, you'll get an email soon letting you know that you have 48 hours to update your address. If no change is required, that's it. All is good. If you're getting a deck, hang tight. I'll let you know in advance when I'm about the lock your addresses.

Other updates

• The deck order is finally in. I'm hoping my contact at the factory will send pictures throughout the production process, which I will share.
• EVERY single other reward has been created and is taking up more space than it should in my apartment. I got the bags last week, and they are very cool. For a whole minute I was worried that I'd ordered them too small, but they seem to be just the right size to contain the power of Arcane Bullshit. 

• If you're in or around the city of TORONTO, I'm going to be tabling at the Bunz Flea on December 9th at the Gladstone Hotel from 10am to 5pm. Here's the Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1742509872527142/. I'll be there selling  all the Kickstarter reward items you know and love, except for decks. I might even have at least one new item for sale. Come by and stare into my blank, unresponsive eyes.
• I bought a stamp! Man, guys, money sure can buy you a lot of great stuff. Usually I just accept whatever the universe reveals to me underneath parked cars, or in abandoned animal hospitals, but using money to get whatever you want is pretty cool also. The folks at Kid Icarus produced this lovely rubber stamp for me, which will allow me to apply curses and hexes to all of your packages in seconds!

• I'm going to be in the lovely city of Chicago next weekend, so if anyone knows of any creepy weirdo stores or events I should check out while I'm there, let me know. I am also going to try and take this shitshow on the road in 2019, so let me know if you know of any creepy weirdo stuff happening in YOUR town. 

I think that's everything for this week. As always, comment below or email me at [email protected] if you've got any questions or concerns.

Yours in Bullshit, 

-EVAN

Final Spurts of Magic
over 5 years ago – Fri, Nov 09, 2018 at 11:02:58 PM

Hey everyone!

This thing is still happening! It's not consuming my WHOLE life anymore, but it's definitely always there, like a tiny parasitic koala on a part of my back that I can't quite reach. But also it's a koala, so that's good. People at parties are like "hey, you're the koala guy!" and they share their homemade lavender-napalm flavoured moonshine with me and we pass out dangerously close to an active volcano. 

None of that is true, obviously. It's also probably not a metaphor. 

Actual News

Here's a quick summary of things I have accomplished since last week:

• I ordered probably a million boxes and other supplies for mailing your orders

• I have finished ALL the artwork for the deck packaging and booklet, and it has been sent off to the printer. Here are some flattened approximations of what you'll see on the packaging:

• These designs (except for the top exterior) were all done by my friend Joel Hentges, whose work you can find here, or follow him on instagram: @the_full_half. He's great. We'll definitely be collaborating more.
• I got the bonus card prints back from the printer and, for a reward that I promised before I even knew what it would be, they are fucking cool. These bad boys were Risograph printed by Toronto's Colour Code Printing, who are really really great and you should trust them and pay them. 

• I should also be receiving the bags, tarot cloths, posters and stickers very soon. Watch my instagram for pictures. 
•  Nothing else, I don't think.

As always, let me know if you've got any questions/concerns. It seriously fills my heart with so much fucking joy to see each new piece of this accursed hell puzzle come together, and I can't wait to haunt each and every one of you with eternal confusion. 

-EVAN